Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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