somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
