We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
