i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
