Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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