I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are the jesus of drinking
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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