Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
