Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
