Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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