If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
third nipple confirmed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
