just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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