If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My ATM looks so different sober.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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