I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
