dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
