i would punch a child for taco bell
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize