she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
