my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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