Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
