I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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