fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
