the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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