Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
