best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
