I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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