I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
