omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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