I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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