Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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