she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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