Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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