Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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