I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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