Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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