just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
