i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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