the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
