she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
