nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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