im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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