I hate your face
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
