I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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