can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
