just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize