How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
