if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
