She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
