You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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