my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
