I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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