Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
