After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
