she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
