What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
