i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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