I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
