I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
