Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
