apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
