Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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