garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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