omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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