His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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