I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
