nut hugger
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize