Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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