Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize