Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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