if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
