fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
