mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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