just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
