Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
