i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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