Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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